Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading So sick and tired of all the needless beating
about Amanda, 130794 vanilla addict,songwriter and romantic. i live for God,i live for music, i live for love,and i live for life i love navy blue and the smell of new books maybe our hearts are meant to be intertwined Exits Allure Bloom Crane Denotation Enigmatism Flair Grace Hope Initiation Archives October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 November 2010 September 2011 Credits ©Glamouresque.	Saturday, March 27, 2010 the fel-amanda-single hearts vday date date with felz on the vday week so longggg ago but these pics make it feel like yesterday. more pix on f.b picspam. pictures from SOSOSOSO long ago from christmas,zone thanksgiving lunch,cg chinese new year reunion dinner,cogls dinner.. i want to love you,with every inch of me. i don't know why i keep stepping on your toes and i don't know why it seems so hard not to get into arguments with you. i don't know why whatever i say,it seems to come out wrong. and you know what, i'm just tired of all of it. what's become of us? tell me, mum and dad have i told you lately that i love you i really thank God for the friends i have in my life, not too long ago i was really upset with myself for this thing i do, just keeping to myself,and i felt that by doing that,even though it was not intentional and i don't know why i do, i was discounting myself of being close to alot of people that i wished i could be closer too. but i guess friends that have your back will always do, and i am very blessed to have friends like this. friday was some serious shit, but thanks Isa for the sms-counselling when i was so angry and upset. Seah hui for the longggg talk and for trying to comfort me as i cried. Felicia!my bestff i don't know what i can do without,even though i haven't seen you in aeons but i'm really amazed that we are still close though i was scared we would drift alot.was really comforting to hear your voice and to laugh with you about absolutely mindless things. i love you big time,girl. thank you guys for all of it.love you Sunday, March 21, 2010 something i'd like to say to you "you don't know me you don't wanna know what's real but i'm not sorry for who i am, or what i feel cos you don't know me." Saturday, March 20, 2010 "when they say,'why,why' , tell them that it's human nature" nowadays i don't really expect alot from many people,because i've come to realise that its in our nature to do the unthinkable(in a bad way,sometimes) and to make mistakes and dissapoint. when people ask me or when i hear them ask "why" or"how could he/she do that? i thought he/she was supposed to be...." i've just come to understand that though people may have certain affliations for example, their jobs/duty/supposed moral standards, at the end of the day,it all comes down to the person itself. when all these things have been striped away,we find that all we have left is our human nature. it's just so crazy it was monday like a day ago and now its the end of the marchie break. and back to school tomorrow!! trying to finish all my holiday homework. still have alot to go: A and E math MYE, chinese... wish the break could have been stretched longer. oh well! yesterday was my first time giving b.s and i was rather mixed about it. had the nervous/eggcited thing going but i guess it was decent,considering that it was my first attempt. very thankful for Sha's encouragement. i'm just really tired right now. i want to shut my books,shut my eyes and dream of burgers,shakes and fries. Saturday, March 13, 2010 I'M GOING TO WATCH THE FRAY ON the 27th. OMG OMG OMG OMG(: THANKYOUU DADDY. Friday, March 12, 2010 nobody said it as easy, nobody said it would be this hard. finally coming to the end of a rather crazy term. one filled with quite alot of teacher drama moments, mugging for the tests, and rather crazy emotions that i'm still learning to deal with. the march break is round the corner,and i'm not really cheering. lots of assignments! but i guess the rest will be sufficient to charge me up for term two. man, i wonder why i keep talking about studies these few days. got back my progress report, seriously need to pull up my socks. L1R5 isn't dope. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. THE FRAY is coming to singapore, for Rock and Roots fest and if things are looking up(like they are now) i'm going! was thinking of how an accoustic of Human would sound like. this sounds exactly like how it did in my dream. love this. Saturday, March 6, 2010 really want a polaroid! but i heard that they stopped making films, cos apparently Polaroid's going bust and it isn't really confirmed that they're reviving it, though i don't see why not, since Lady Gaga is on the bandwagon as creative director,so that would pretty much resurrect the brand. don't know if i should get one though hope i don't have to settle for a Fujifilm Instax coz if i get a Polaroid i'd hope to use it forever.cos its quite a waste to have a cam and not have film to take it with and not get to use it coz of the lack of film. OH WELL. wake up early to black and white reruns. there's just something in most of us, that kind of inclination to look for something,or someone,who can cause all our fears,insecurities and missingness to go away.someone who can just make it all okay,or at least make it seem to be. i can't say i'm not one of them, but there's this crazy thing i realised about infactuations. the current muse seems to be nearly perfect. so how would you know if its love, or just a fancy? when people say 'oh,he's just so perfect' and they can't seem to see beyond the perfection of the person, yea,then it isn't love. sometimes when i get such thoughts,i try and stop myself. the logical part of me tells me that looking for someone to make everything seem ok and to stabalise my life is just a way of running away.i don't want to look back,feeling that i was an escape artist. just doing things i did so i could ease the pain and lessen my fears. can anyone honestly say that they aren't afraid of getting hurt? i can't. was thinking of why certain things are so hard to let go; certain people, experiences,feelings linked with them and stuff like that, and i think what my teacher said a long time back suddenly starts to make sense to me. with emotional investment comes dissapointment. i'm not saying i won't continue to pour my heart and all that i have into what i do,and the people i love but, i think i can take that for an answer,for now. paris nights and new york mornings not going for paramore tmr. SADDDDDDDDD :( i swear i'm going to listen to paramore the whole day tomorrow. ive got so many random thoughts of late. so i guess i'll just spill. cos they aren't really sensitive stuff. on Andrew Garcia: its sad he seems to be under-performing. but i really think he's a great musician. i mean, who could do Straight up like he did?to all the haters,you must admit that that he was so freaking amazing on that.so i'm still a fan, hoping he'd get it together somehow on American Idol: its going down. on current cravings: I WANT PEACH RED TEA!! on current fave tracks: i don't know why but i really like Let's just Fall in love by Jason Castro. really didn't like him on Idol. but i really like the song. never have been a fan of country music or country-indie-pop ish stuff, but i really like Lady Antebellum's Need you now. ' its a quater after one, i'm alittle drunk, and i need you now'. on Arise and build. FINALLY BLOGGING ON THIS THING. ARGH, long week,rough week. glad i made it to the weekends(: Arise and Build pledging today,and the video really touched me, reminding me that it was not too long ago that we were hunting for land for the new building and now its already come to past(: God's good. WE'VE GOT IT. SUNTEC CONVENTION CENTRE.FROM NEXT MARCH :D not to mention, the financier in me is acting up,reminding me to cut down ALOT on my spending.haha. really sure of the pledge i made. I want to see God's house being built on my sacrifice,and on the sacrifices of all of the rest of the church. and i'm egg-citedd! God, i want to love you more than i love myself. and treasure you more than i treasure my own life. i love because you first loved me.
But baby, where they knock you down and out Is where you oughta stay